Always a page turner, here's how it went... and afterwards I'll be accepting comments on what YOU think it meant.
Mom: Mrs. J's son got her a car recently.
Me: How nice.
Mom: Yeah. Well, you know he's a hotshot lawyer right. Makes tons of money. Bought a vacation home in Hondo for them to share.
Me: Mmmmhmm.
Mom: Well, I mean, he's single. He makes lots of money. So he just likes to do things like that. He even took her to Africa.
Me: Is he gay?
Mom: Oh no! Not at all. Just living the bachelor life. He dates, but hasn't really settled down. I think he's in his mid to late 30s. I just think it's nice that he's done all these things for her. Really making an effort to give back to his mother. You know, after all the things she sacrificed to help put him through college and law school.
Me: Nice.
I may have paraphrased the conversation a bit.
Clearly.
Mom was far more grandiose than I was. I think that's because really all I heard was "blah blah blah, lawyer. blah blah blah blah, makes lots of money. blah... blah blah blah blah, to Africa." And afterwards, all I could think was, "and she hasn't introduced me to him because......." That's it. My mom thinks I'm ugly. Either that or this guy isn't as cool as he sounds on paper. I still think he's probably gay. Or has a small penis. One of the two.
At least, I hope.
Course, on the other hand, what I also got from this particular conversation was... "And you're just the ungrateful child who hasn't done shit for me or your father. And how dare you give me a hand-made wreath as a birthday gift. My daughter SUCKS."
(I'm smiling right now because some of you are thinking "Woah! Issues, much?".)
4 comments:
Ha ha - don't you know every mother has a form of this conversation with their daughters? Silly girl. I'm sure you are NOT ugly - I'm sure she was just feeling you out to see if maybe you might be open to meeting him. But yeah - if he's not gay, he's way to close to mommy, IMO. But maybe you should give him a whirl. He might be all that and a bag of chips.
At first I thought exactly what you said...your mom was comparing what he has done for his mom...then I thought no! She wants to hook her up. That way she can cash in too!
You are right though..he has a small penis and probably only one ball.
Dude, neurotic moms breed neurotic, overly analytical kids.
Clearly your mom doesn't think your ugly. No one thinks their baby is ugly.
For that matter, for all you know this dude is ugly. Loves his mommy. Works 80 hours a week. May or may not enjoy sex with other men. Spends time bunking with his mom in whereeverthefuck Hondo is. Looks like a warty pig anus in a $1500 suit.
But if you want your mom to introduce you, you should tell her.
I think your mum was looking for pressies/gifts - parents are very unsubtle. Either that or she is very craftily planting the idea of Mr. Small Penis Hot Shot Lawyer in your head and then in a week or so mention he is coming over with his mum for dinner. She could be priming you for a well orchestrated 'chance' meeting with him!!!
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