My Directorial Debut

Ah yes, here we are: another SU story.

Just to bring you up to date - in about 3 weeks I will be celebrating my five-year college reunion. As if spending over $100+ grand on my education wasn't thrilling enough - now I get to celebrate it every 5 years.

Oh who am I kidding?!? I can't fuckin' wait. It's not like it's my HS graduation and there's all this pressure. It's college - and I went to a small school - so most of the people there will be good friends or acquaintances I haven't seen in a long time.

Anyway, I'm getting off the subject.

So, one of the organizations I was in is called Alpha Phi Omega - it's a co-ed service fraternity. It was the largest organization at good ol' SU.

As with many clubs/frats/organizations, we had a President and VP who ran our meetings. My senior year - our VP was a fella' (yes, I said fella' - bite me!) named Brian. He was/is a nice guy - but kind of sensitive to jokes (especially those made at his expense - go figure).

Anyway, so one of our traditions within APO is for someone in the chapter to STEAL the gavel that the VP would use in order to maintain control of meetings. And I wanted to be the person to steal it. Unfortunately, I was too late. Another group of members had already stolen it. And since I was NOT to be out done, I decided to steal the sound block that goes with the gavel.

What's the sound block, you ask? Well, I didn't know at the time either, but the sound block is what you call the block of wood that you strike the gavel on. Uhm, exactly. Who cares?!?!

Anyway, so I stole it.

Now the rule is that once the gavel (and the sound block too now) is stolen, the VP must do whatever it takes to get it back. So, the people who stole the gavel made Brian go through a particularly clever and evil scavenger hunt in order to get it back. Which he did. So, when I tried to get him to do something (I think I wrote him an anonymous note that said something like..."If you ever want to see your block of wood again, you'll quack like a duck anytime anyone raises their hand in the meeting."), he decided he'd had enough. So in front of everyone, Brian publicly declared that he was done doing any sort of embarrassing acts and that he just wanted it back and that he wanted it back as soon as possible.

Of course, I was not about to just hand it over like that - but since I figured he wasn't going to do anything at all - I thought I would embarrass the hell out of him when I returned it.

So I decided to make a movie.

I made "Brian's Wood."

That's right, I made a mock-u-softcore porn.

This movie had it all. Hot chicks in skimpy clothes, mood music (complete w/some R. Kelley and other "tunes to get your freak on"), girl on girl action, a fist fight, you name it.

The main character was "Brian's Wood" (i.e. the sound block) and he was in EVERY scene.

I created a scene with Brian's Wood having a candlelit dinner w/a blonde with very little clothes on. Then Brian's Wood hooking it up with a girl under the covers (w/hot wax). Then Brian's Wood ventured out into unfamiliar territory with a guy and chocolate syrup. It was after that scene that I incorporated the fist fight. Add to that a threesome w/two chicks and a whip...

All in all, quite the amusing little 15-20 minute showcase. I even had some very poorly made credits rolling at the end. Complete w/other character names like "Cherry Popp" and "Deez Nutz".

So the best part was when I played my movie to the entire chapter right before returning the sound block or "Brian's Wood" as it was so accurately called to Brian.

Definitely a shining moment in my college career.

BTW - that movie was shown the following year at a regional APO conference. Sure wish I'd been there to see that. Oh well.