Where's the TUMS?

Let me take you back to yet another interesting (if not incredibly STUPID) thing I did back in my ol' college days.

Remember that "Queen of Caulk" story?

Speaking of which, I also believe I walked around calling myself the "Caulkmaster"... of course that's not how I pronounced it. But I think you get my drift here.

Anyway, so I have another story to share from that same fateful community service Spring Break trip to Southern Louisiana my sophomore year.

Hey, I was only 19 years old. Still unschooled in the way of "cool" and "sophistication". Unlike now. Because now I would never be caught giggling in my own head during an important meeting w/the Dean (remember, I work for a community college) about how this guy I knew from elementary school was named Mike Hunt (Go ahead and say it out loud... Exactly.).

Yeah, I would NEVER do that now.

*cough* Ahem. Moving on.

During that trip we stayed at a local organization that houses college kids from all over the country in town doing community service. We were there w/kids from James Madison University, Pepperdine (sp?), and Southern Illinois.

Most of the kids from my school hung out w/the S. Illinois kids tho. We would sit around the shared living space, chatting it up and talking about our various activities during the day. One night, somehow the conversation of what men would or would NOT do for their ladies came up. So of course the next line of conversation was feminine hygiene products (naturally). And in the course of our conversation, we come to find out that one of the guys from S. Illinois has never and would never say the word "tampon". Which just baffled the rest of us. I mean, it's just a word. BFD, ya know. But not to this guy. He would never say it, would never touch one (unused of course), and most DEFINITELY would never buy one for his wife/gf. This of course is ludicrous and I believe I told him as much. But I think what really messed me up was that he wouldn't even SAY it. I mean, again, it's just a word. What is the big deal?!?!

So, of course because he wouldn't say it - I made it my personal challenge to see that he did. I asked him what it would take for him to say the word "tampon". He said he would think about it and get back to me.

Later that night, he turned to me and said...

Dude: Okay, so I've thought about it.

Me: Thought about what?

Dude: Your proposal.

Me: Say wha'???

Dude: What you could do to make me say it...

Me: Say what?

Dude: You know.

Me: Oh yeah. Okay. What's that?

Dude: You have to take two shots of Tabasco sauce.

Me: Are you fucking kidding me? (BTW - this Mexi does not do spicy or hot stuff. HELL NO!)

Dude: Nope.

Me: Ugh, for two fuckin' shots of Tabasco you are not only going to say "tampon", you will shout it out loud if I ask you to, and you will BUY the damn things too.

Dude: Uhm. Okay, if you take two shots of Tabasco sauce I'll say it, shout it, buy 'em, whatever.

Me: Done.

Everyone freaked out! People were like "You're insane" - "That's crazy!" - "Awesome!" "You're a badass!"

And I'm thinking - what the hell did I get myself into?!?!

But hey, a dare is a dare.

So we gather up two shot glasses and a bottle of Tabasco. Someone said to get me some bread to help w/the taste afterwards. Someone else suggested my toothbrush and toothpaste for afterwards. I just requested tons and tons of water.

I remember I was given a lot of advice. Take 'em fast. Tilt your head back so it doesn't hit your tongue. Don't puke. All very good advice, but what I was not hearing was "Don't friggin' do it!" Which is what I needed to hear. Oh well.

So I did it.

First I thought I was going to puke. Then I thought I was going to take the worst crap of my ENTIRE life. It was bad.

But as soon as I was okay. I walked over to him... and just stood there. He smiled and said it very softly.

Me: Oh no, motherfucker, I just took two damn shots of Tabasco. I wanna hear you SING it.

Anyway, yeah. He said it, he shouted it, and yes, he sang it. He also had to go to Wal-Mart and purchase them. And at Wal-Mart he had to ask several different people who worked there where they were, how much they were, etc. And then to top it off - he had to WEAR two of them around his neck the rest of the night. It was amusing.

Would I do it again?

I wish I could say "no"... but then again, a dare is a dare.