Mi familia

I love my family. No, seriously I do. They make life SO much more interesting. The best part about them is how screwed up they are.

I know, I know. I'm sure your family is more screwed up than mine - I won't get into THAT argument with anyone (anymore, I always seem to lose) - but my family still has its issues.

I have a story that I wanted to share - it's not about me - about a cousin of mine. I think it may shed some light into the classiness that is my fam.

One of my many cousins (at last count - 21 first cousins and on Dad's side alone) has two children. Her oldest is 9. A couple of years ago, her daughter had her First Communion. It was quite the big deal. She even had a party for her afterwards at this super-nice Italian restaurant. The whole family congregated at this upscale restaurant (poor things didn't know what hit them). And when I went to sit down, my "party favor" was a small bag of (unblessed) Eucharist (Communion) wafers. MmmmmMMmmm. Nothing says "Party" like a handful of Communion wafers.

I'm sitting at the table and another one of my cousins comes and sits by me. We'll call her Feya. That's actually the nickname I call her. It means "ugly" in Spanish. Anyway, so she sits down and this is how it went:

Feya: Hey, order me a drink! I need a whiskey.
Me: Feya, it's only 11am.
Feya: Yeah, so. I didn't have breakfast.
Me: Feya, your kid is sitting right next to you. Do you think that's the best example for him? Drinking before noon.
Feya: Psshh... he's seen worse.
Me: Uh, okay.
Feya: (picks up the small bag of Communion wafers) What the hell is this?
Me: It's our party favor, I think.
Feya: (opens the bag) Awesome, I'm starving.
(And then she proceeds to start stuffing them in her mouth.)
Me: What the hell are you doing?
Feya: I told you I missed breakfast.
Me: You're insane.

10 minutes later...

Feya: (points to my little bag) You gonna eat those?
Me: No! And no, you can't have mine.

Can you believe it? The woman actually ate Communion wafers like they were a snack. It was as if they were friggin' wheat thins as opposed to extremely thin and tasteless wafers (that when blessed and used in the right context are the Body of Christ... Amen.). But then again, that's my family.