Slang

So, the other night, I'm hanging out w/my roommate and her boyfriend and some other peeps and the subject of genitalia slang comes up.

I really cannot recall why or how, and honestly it doesn't matter, but it was pointed out to me that George Carlin (famous comedian) has a site or post or something to that effect that lists slang words for the vagina. I have to admit, I was INCREDIBLY curious. I guess I should have known that this was out there, but it just never occurred to me to check it out. And still the concept just really intrigued me. So, today as I was fooling around at work, I decided to go ahead and plow through and see what I could find online.

But while I was diving into the dark better known as the Internet, I realized it would be like finding a hotdog in a jungle and rather than get a belly full of marrow pudding I decided to go with the first site I found. And trust me folks, I hit a homer, because while “Wikipedia” is about as innocent as you can get, it’s information is paying the rent.

Interestingly enough as I was finding Nemo, I found that there are almost twice as many slang words for breasts as there are for vagina. And the number of slang for penis falls somewhere in the middle.

I decided to go ahead and switch lanes without signaling and instead of just posting about slang words for penis, I would just roll the dice and go with taking up a collection of all the funny/odd ones I read. Here are a few:

Breasts:
Avocados, Blockbusters, Brown-nosed sweater puppies, Cafe La Mama, Cheek warmers, Chesticles, David Duchovnys, Donkey's ears, Enchiladas (which ironically gives new meaning to Enchilada Wednesdays), Flapjacks, Funnel cakes (mmmmm), Glad bags, Goodyears, Hush Puppies, Jumbo chickpeas, Majestic mountains, Mary-Kate and Ashley, Muchachas, Nipple sundaes, Pointer Sisters, Scooby Snacks, Spark plugs, Tee pees, Thingamajugs, and ZZ Tops.

Penis:
Bishop, Captain Kirk, Cheese farm, Creamcicle, Daniel (what?!?), Elvis, Father Christmas, Jawbreaker, Jesus, Love loaf, Oscar (hehe, I didn’t know, I swear), Percy, Pork flute, Princess, Purple fist, Snack trays, Tootsie Roll, and Mr. Happy and his Two Nutty Friends.

Vagina:
Burial Mound, The Beast, Fish taco, Fur burger, Goody Bag, Love mitten, Power slot, Red snapper, Sugar walls, Tang, and Winking Eye.

Hmm, well, I’m already here and you’re already there, so let’s go ahead and shoot the moon.

Masturbation:
(Male) Burp the worm, Cleaning my room, Doing the hand jive, Hand to gland Combat, Kicking the midget, Looking for clues with Fred and Daphne, Ordering mayonnaise, Punching the pope, Shaking hands with the unemployed, Skipping to school, and Wrestling with Jimmy.
(Female) Applying lip gloss, Jack'n the box, Playing the invisible banjo, Stirring the soup, Walking the kitty, and Washing the car.

Vaginal Intercourse:
Busting a nut, Churning butter, Doing a load of laundry, Glazing the donut, Introducing yourself to each other, Laying some pipe, Making bacon, Parallel parking, Picnicking in the lawn, Punching the chipmunk, Smurfing, Spinning the cheese, and Telling a bedtime story.

Oral sex:
(Male) Dessert at the Coldstone Creamery, Drinking beer, Stepping up to the mic, and Sucking the chrome off a trailer hitch.
(Female) Box lunch, Cleaning up, Cotton Candy, Going to Chinatown, Having lunch downtown, and Soup tasting.

So by now I’m sure you’re either entertained or grossed out. Either way, I hope you learned something new today, I know I did. Oh, before I forget, anything in BOLD up top is slang too. Just FYI.

Anyway, I better go, it’s getting late and I feel like drinking beer and washing the car.