Hey Dad,

"I'm the Queen of Cock (caulk)!"

Picture this, I'm 19 years old and on a college Spring Break service trip. We called it "Destination Service". Basically, students (for a small fee) were given an opportunity to travel to different places around the country to do community service during our Spring Break. Sophomore year rolls around and I decided I wanted to do it. I signed up late, so I ended up in the group that was going to BFE (butt fuck Egypt)Louisiana. Some small town in the middle of nowhere. It wasn't my first choice, but I figured "what the hell!", I'm down!

The whole trip was tons of fun. Lots of cool ass stuff happened. And lots of dumb ass stuff happened as well.

I did one of the dumbest things I've ever done before - but hey, that's what Spring Break is for, right? Anyway, that's a whole other post and I'll get to it some day.

This project consisted of going to several different trailers in Southern Louisiana and doing small but necessary home improvements. I learned how to install chicken wire along the bottom of a trailer ("to keep the critters out" we were told). Learned how to install linoleum. We also painted the entire interior of several trailers. And on one fateful afternoon, I spent the entire day putting this white gooey stuff in all the cracks in the window frames and door frames. It was fun, but messy. I'm not sure if you've heard of it before - but it's called caulk. Of course when I heard it for the first time, I heard "cock".

So ALL damn day, I'm boasting about my "'cock' skills". And about how adept I am at "using the 'cock' gun". And "no one better lay a hand on it, cause that's my 'cock'". (Hmmm, how many times can I use the word cock in one post? Let's see!) I think I was a bit too excited. But hey, everyone was laughing. And I was hearing "hahahaha - Arianna, you're so funny" and "Arianna sure can cock". You get the picture.

Well, at night we would all call our loved ones. Tell 'em about what we're doing, how our trip was going, etc. So that night, I called my folks. This is basically the conversation I had w/my dad that night on the phone.

Me: Hey Pop.

Dad: Hey sweetie. How's it going, having fun?

Me: Oh yes, Father. Things here are swell. All my fellow classmates are just keen. We all get along just super duper. I'm so glad I've been given the opportunity to be here. It's almost a dream come true. (And yes, that's what I said! What? You don't believe me? Too damn bad!)

Dad: That's great honey. So what have y'all been doing out there?

Me: Oh, well, Father. I have officially been crowned the Queen of Cock!

Dad: What?!?!?!

Me: Yessir. You know that white thick stuff that you would put into the frames around the windows and doors to seal them in. It's used to stop air from going through the cracks.

Dad. OOOH!

Me: (???? duh!!) Yessir. So I had a cock gun and I just went to town. It was fun. I'm getting pretty good w/cock Dad. Need anything cocked at home? Cause I'll do it!

Dad: Nah, I think we're okay.

Me: Yessir. Well, I should go. It is getting quite late and I have to go and wash my face and brush my teeth before bedtime. I love you Father. Pleasant dreams to you.

Dad: Love you too. Bye sweetie. Write us!

Me: Of course I will be happy to do that. Bye now.

And yeah.

So that's when I walked back into the main room where all my fellow Spring Breakers were hanging out. I told them "yeah, I just got off the phone w/my Dad. I told him about my mad cocking skills."

That's when one of them not so subtly tells me ..."Uhm, Arianna, you do realize that it's correctly pronounced 'caulk'. C-A-U-L-K. Not cock."

ME: WHAT!?!?!?! Are you fucking kidding me?!?! Then why the hell have y'all been calling it cock all day?!?!

"We thought you knew that it was spelled c-a-u-l-k. "

Me: Uh. Obviously NOT! Otherwise I wouldn't have been saying 'cock' all damn day!

Yeah. So that was when I was the Queen of Cock. Aaaaah... good times.

BTW - "cock" was used 16 (oops, now 17) times in this post. :D