New friends.
Requirements include:
-Must be in San Antonio and not moving for at least 10 years (why 10 years, you ask? Because it sounded like a good round number in my head.).
-Must be a Spurs fan or at least be willing to talk about/watch them on t.v.
-Must understand a sarcastic and/or perverse sense of humor.
-Must be willing to let me drive.
-Must have a lot of money. Just kiddin'. But if you do, it's okay, I won't hold it against you.
-Must enjoy hugs and terms of endearment such as: dumb bitch, feya, etc.
Of course as my friend you are eligible for the following benefits:
-Frequent get-togethers.
-Trivial Pursuit Nights.
-Barbeques at Mom & Dad's.
-Complete trust.
-Sage advice (as needed, of course).
-A shoulder to lean on.
-Absolute loyality.
Along with MY friendship, you get two additional friends. One is a bosomy blonde who is always up for new adventures and adores her family and the other is a beautifully long-haired mexi who will laugh at the world with you. Oh and of course full medical and dental. What the hell - I'll throw in a 401k too (WITH stock options). This really is a pretty sweet deal.
Anyway.
Please apply within.
5 comments:
Are you in my head? Are you stealing my thoughts? Thief, I tell you!! I was going to make a similar posting, but alas, now I can't. I wouldn't want anyone to think I was copying you. Unless I WAS trying to copy you, then I would preface it with: "I'm attempting to copy . . ." Geez.
The compensation is good and the benefits are to die for, but the job requirements are quite difficult.
The only reason I posted this is because I am so devasted with the absence of CJ and Becky. Hard to find great friends like y'all. :)
Matt,
Those are just SOME of the benefits. Just imagine the rest. Especially if you fit the requirements. Makes you want to aspire to them, right?
I am so cool - my first SPAM comment. You know your blog is awesome when...
BTW - Don't click on this link or I will be forced to delete this comment, and I really don't want to. I mean... come on, I'm cool now.
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