I had a dream the other night about a friend of mine that I haven't seen in a really long time.
I was so excited to see her (even if it was just a dream), that when I hugged her, I didn't just hug her, I HUGGED her. Like for a long ass time. It was almost more like a "holding" situation than hugging. But as I was hugging her, her significant other was giving me dirty looks. It was an extremely vivid dream.
But it brings up a good question. Can you ever "over-hug" someone? I mean, clearly, there are times when you are being over-hugged. Like when you see someone you barely know, but they are "huggers" (which I am), so they reach over and wrap you in a big bear hug... and all you can think is "Yo! Raise up off my nuggets!"
But I'm referring more to hugging between friends. What is the appropriate length of time to hug someone? And what if it HAS been a long time since you've seen them. Can you hug for longer? And if you CAN, how MUCH longer? Is there a science to hugging? Should you hug for a shorter length, but squeeze tighter? Or make it last longer, but just barely hold on.
Personally, I like to hug. In fact, I love to hug. Hugs make me feel good. You see, I grew up in a family of huggers. That's the first thing we do whenever we see each other AND when we say goodbye. Give a hug and a kiss. Every damn time. And when you have a family as big as mine, that can take friggin' forever. But you do it. That's just the way it goes.
I remember one of my friends from college and I were visiting her parents and when we got to her house - she walked in, we dropped off our stuff in her bedroom and then went to say "hi" to her parents. I think she smiled at her Mom and maybe got a wave from her Dad. Now, some might say "big deal". But to me this is a very big deal. I see my parents weekly and I still hug on them and smooch with them like I haven't seen them in years.
Although it doesn't happen very often (I think I can count on both hands the number of times it has happened), I did realize that one of my favorite parts of hugging is when you're the first one to let go and the other person keeps hugging. Why? Because it means they just aren't ready to stop hugging or to let go of me. This gives me the warm fuzzies. And I think THAT is why when I grab someone to hug them - it's for a good length of time. Maybe they like that feeling too. Maybe it gives YOU the warm fuzzies when you're the first one to let go.
I will tell you this - if you and I have ever hugged and it was a weak hug with very little "squeeze" effort - that should tell you something. And if I hugged you as tho I never wanted to let go - there is also a message there. Just some food for thought.
4 comments:
A Hugger should always give a good warm hug, if a hug is indicated, then release. A Huggee will give facial indication if more hugging is desired or required.
Coming from a family of huggers has skewed your perception. It sounds like hugging has taken on a life of its own in your family, like taking more than your share of something. :-)
I, too, am a hugger and come from a family of huggees. I hug absolutely everyone. My favorite people to hug are the people who don't like hugging. They get all mad at me like, "Stop it-I hate hugging." so then I squeeze tighter and rock. It's so awesome how annoyed they get.
My roommate doesn't really like to hug - but I make her every now and then. It's the best!
I can't help it. It's overwhelming. And you are someone I would like to have feel that warm fuzzy feeling from me, but I'm just not good at the hugging. But people are welcome to give me hugs if they want to ;)
Post a Comment