I know I'm breaking some sort of rule by posting these, but they are damn funny. So bear with me.
1. Did you get any under the tree? (Personally, I wouldn't. Especially since our tree is about 3.5 feet tall and resting on a small table 1 foot off the ground. But hey, that's just me.)
2. I think your balls are hanging too low. (Hey peeps, I double dog dare you to say that to your Dad at some point over the holidays. I mean, I'll do it if you do.)
3. Check out Rudolph's honker! (I swear I didn't write these, I'm just copying them.)
4. Santa's sack is really bulging. (Yo! That is just nasty!)
5. Lift up the skirt so I can clean underneath. (Actually, this is one of the things that sound dirty every other day of the year also, but I digress.)
6. Did you get a piece of the fruitcake? (Sorry, y'all. This one isn't very dirty at all. More like "lame".)
7. I love licking the end til it's real sharp and pointy. (If I had a nickel for every time I say this over the holidays...)
8. From here, you can't tell if they're artificial or real. (Sure you can. You can ALWAYS tell.)
9. Can I interest you in some dark meat? (For all the brotha's out there - Pick up line alert!)
And finally...
10. To get it to stand up straight, try propping it against a wall. ('Nuff said.)
7 hours left 'til my ass-rockin' holiday break begins! BOO-YAH!
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