On this day...

One year ago I found myself in a situation and place I never dreamed I'd ever been in. Feared, quite possibly, but dreamed, never.

It was on this day a year ago I was praying to God, Jesus, Mary (basically anyone who was listening) to help give my grandmother's soul the strength to let go of the shell of a body she was holding onto. Seeing her in the condition she was in, broke my heart a little more every day. As I watched the life drain from her skin, from her breath, and even worse from her eyes it brought forth a pain I could/would never wish upon anyone.

You see it was on this day one year ago that I said goodbye to my grandmother for the very last time. Not knowing that within 24 hours, my prayers would be answered.

For as hard as it was for me - it was infinitely harder for my Dad and his brothers and sisters. Being there and watching everything they were experiencing was so painful, that even to this day I weep for their loss.

My grandmother was in so much pain and suffered so much the last few years of her life that I know it was truly a blessing for her to go. So many times I grow angry at myself for not remembering the last time she was healthy. But despite all my issues - I still hold onto all the beautiful memories I have of her and all the ways in which she showed me her love.

And on this day - I cry, I smile, but most importantly I rejoice. I rejoice in her life - in her spirit - and in the love I still feel as she watches over me in heaven.