A hypothetical

I was drinking my morning coffee (labeled "morning coffee" because it was consumed in the morning, not because I am a regular coffee drinker... okay. Moving on.) this morning when I realized that coffee makes me need to go caca (poo, crap, shit, doo-doo, dooky, BM, dropping off the kids at the pool, etc.). Does that happen to most peeps? And if so, are cities like Seattle and NYC destined to become one large toilet?

Speaking of shit, I had a serious "gag moment" this weekend while my cousin was describing his daughter's first poo. Did anyone else (not a parent) know that our first craps are like tar? Black and sticky. My friend Jooky confirmed this but did say "at least it doesn't smell". While a blessing, indeed, the idea of tar-like shit is enough to make me throw up in my mouth a little. Okay, a lot.

I've been bitten by the jealousy bug as of late. The Roommate just bought herself a new car. Lucky beyotch. Altho, I will say, with the accidents I've been in; when my car's clean and you squint your eyes just a bit, it looks brand new. But it's still not a new car. So rock on Mexi with your new ride. In addition to The Roommate's new ride, another person I know is buying himself a new condo. Which is a new car times six. (5 yr financing versus 30 year mortgage) Lucky sonofabeyotch. Not that I'm ready to buy a home/condo or anything, but still. These are big deals. Coolest thing I've bought recently were some Old Navy flip flops. But they're GOLD. And shiny and pretty. So, at least I've got that to hold onto my dignity with.

I'm so screwed.

Anyway, this week (10 days to be exact) is FIESTA here in San Antonio and due to poor planning, I will only be attending a few events. But that's okay, I need to save money for that new car and condo I will one day need to buy. Hmmph! And as I don't really "drink" anymore, FIESTA just doesn't hold the same allure.

I think I am in a particularly foul mood right now because I am on one of those crash, system flushing diets today and tomorrow. I used to give The Roommate a hard time back in the day when she would do it. And now here I am. I'm such a follower.

Anyway. I would give her a hard time about being on the Juice because it sounded so damn funny when I would explain it to people. You see back in the day, this particular flushing was done with a special juice. So when Mexi did it, I would tease her about being "on the juice". For my slower readers, it's a play on words. Taken as a joke, it meant she was on steroids. Which, if you've ever seen how buff my roommate is, you might find this even funnier.

But we don't drink the juice anymore. We've switched to the poor man's version which consists of cantaloupe. So, now, I can say I'm "on the 'Loupe". Which sadly, doesn't sound nearly as cool. And by "cool", I mean, it doesn't sound like we're abusing drugs anymore. And as we all know, all the cool kids do drugs.

Still bitching about the bangs. Damn bangs.

American Idol tonight - Kelly Pickler has GOT to GO!

Oh, and before I go. I am apologizing to any Sacramento Kings fans that are readers - because your team is so screwed.