Valentine's Day Office Etiquette

I walked in this morning with a huge ass plant in my hands. It was my Valentine's Day present from my parents. Normally, they will or won't give me something. And some years they will or won't give me cards. This year they did both. It's what happens when you're an only child.

I do think that this year tho, it was some sort of pitying, "oh, she and her long distance bf of 4 months (2 months of it WASN'T quite so long-distance, just so you know!) broke up, so she needs a big ass plant to cheer her up" deal.

However, I am not a "Plant Person".

What to do with this damn, big ass plant? Hmmm.... I have a cat, so keeping it at home wouldn't do. I know! I'll bring it to work.

It was all good (damn thing is heavy and awkward to carry, FYI) until our Office Manager asked "Oh, is that for the Boss?".

What?

No!

Why the hell would I get my boss a Valentine's Day gift?

She's not even my type. Besides, aren't there rules against office hooking up? At least, rules against hooking up w/your boss. Who's married... and not, ya know, a guy.

Anyway, back to the V-Day Office Etiquette. Apparently IT IS expected to give little gifts to your colleagues on Valentine's Day. In particular, junk food. Because I eat junk food and all. Speaking of junk food - I threw away the rest of the Brownies. I suppose I could have sent them to Africa to feed the hungry. But they ARE sugar-free and they'd probably take it all personally that I sent them sugar-free shit. Like I'm saying "stop eating so many sweets!" or "try a toothbrush Clickity-Clack-Clack (BTW, I'm not so rude/mean/unawares that I think Clickity-Clack-Clack is a name, but I do think that's what it sounds like when typed out phonetically. So I should get "brownie" [heh] points for trying.)

Anyway. Today I received home-baked goods and chocolate covered strawberries. And I gave away... JACK SHIT! I'm single. I don't have time to be baking or buying stuff for others. I'm too busy, out getting drunk and screwing around. I'm too busy looking for my next Ex-BF to go out and buy Valentine's Day presents for people I only know because we work together. I didn't even do anything for my own parents this year!!! Why would I hook them up? (Disclaimer - I do feel that I should get a break about not celebrating with my parents. Their anniversary IS next week afterall.)

It is adding up tho. I didn't do shit for anyone for Christmas. And now Valentine's Day?

Crap.

Maybe I'll wise up and do something for St. Patrick's Day. But what?? What do you get your co-workers for a holiday designed for wearing green and getting drunk off green beer and hooking up with random people? And if you're thinking what I'm thinking... No, I don't know any STDs that result in gangrene. But I'll look into it. In fact, lemme Wiki it. Surely, there is one or two. And I have a month to contract it. Okay. Be back later!