Hello, My Name is...

Ohmigawd! If I ever needed any more proof of bad luck/karma with guys with particular names... well, I certainly don't now!

I am making it official. Y'all are the first to know... I am swearing off any man whose first name is either Chris or Michael.

Most recently I met this guy named Michael. Damaged goods from the start, but ya know - I'm an equal opportunity dater. I try very hard not to pre-judge... so maybe I should rethink that motto. Anyway, THIS Michael is divorced. And not only was he divorced but he was DUMPED, DROPPED and DOGGED! I really kinda felt sorry for the guy. I mean, he caught his ex-wife getting it on with his best friend. And then she re-MARRIED the friend.

So, we start talking. He's funny and charming... kinda stupid, but I have a soft spot for the dumb ones. Call it a weakness. Who knows.

Turns out, the fallout of his marriage is something he loves to talk about. His ex was his HS sweetheart. They got married young - everything was great. Her dad got him a great job, she didn't even have to work. (I'm waiting for him to start talking about their double-wide at this point...) All the while he's chugging beers back like it's the last 6-pack of Coors Light (hello, another warning bell) on the planet. I guess at the time I didn't think much cause I mean, we WERE at a bar and it WAS happy hour. I mean, that's why ya go!

So towards the end of the night... I get the oh so slick and very slurry "youshouldcomeovertomyplace".

I'll tell you what tho, I almost said yes. Than I remembered I didn't want to and politely declined his invitation. He immediately called me a "cocktease" and stood up. As he was standing up he lost his balance, fell back in his damn chair, tumbled behind him and down he went. As funny as the whole thing is in hindsight... I gotta admit, I was probably about 10 seconds from kicking him straight in the nuts. But I'm a lady so instead I pointed and laughed and said... "That's right, I'm with Cocktease Union #423 at your service." Then I grabbed my purse, called my friends over and took off. All the while, half the bar is laughing their asses off at the loser who drunkenly fell out of his chair.