Never say Never

Have you ever gotten so drunk that the next morning while you are trying to recuperate... and maybe praying to the porcelain gods, you say "I promise that if I live through this, I will never drink again!"?

I bet you have.

Well, I haven't.
Ever.

I mean, come on. Never drink again?! Unless you're a raging alcoholic and you slap your significant other around whenever you drink it up, that is just crazy talk. Of course, personally I prefer to slap my significant other around when I'm sober. It's a lot more fun and you can usually get a stronger sense of self-satisfaction when the job is done right. Like my mom always says, if you can't do something right, don't bother doing it at all. Which is why I don't iron or cook either, but I digress.

So, back to "I will never drink again." No. Not gonna to do it.

Now, what I might say is something like "I'm never going to drink 2 bottles of champagne and then follow them up w/a pint of Hot Damn ever again" or "I promise to never drink 5 beers followed by multiple lime-green citron vodka jell-o shots ever again." Yeah, that's something I'm more likely to say.

Speaking of booze. My roommate and I vowed the other night to never date a man who drinks Bacardi Silvers. I mean, YO, that is just pathetic. Have you seen their lame ass commercials? So heads up to all you dudes out there who think - "maybe if a chick sees me drinking these tasty Bacardi Silvers she'll think I'm cool and that I got it goin' on!" - uh, yeah... no, not so much. I also say this to the commercial makers of Bacardi Silvers. You've got the wrong audience people. Go back to the drawing board.